Losing Face
by mistressofthepink
Summary: As the witches wreak havoc on Shreveport, Louisiana, Pam is in a race with her own decomposition to reverse the curse on both herself and her maker. Set after the events of 4x04
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Just a kid in Alan Ball's candy store. I own nothing.

Occurs after the events of episode 4x04 when Pam is cursed and just before she goes to Bill's mansion. It sort of spins away after that.

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><p>The night Pam came to check on Eric for the first time in days, Sookie opened the door with hesitation. The vampire's normally very well done-up face was masked by a veil and her entire body covered in black fabric. It appeared as though she were stopping by after a funeral, though it was hard to imagine who Pam would go through the trouble of mourning over.<p>

Black wasn't Pam's preferred color especially considering it was a requirement of what could loosely be thought of as Fangtasia's 'uniform'. This made her specific fashion choice for the evening that much stranger. Sookie moved aside to let her in but kept a suspicious eye, sensing something wasn't right.

"Mourning something?" she asked, not quite sure if she wanted to know the answer. Pam paused, back still turned, blocking everything but the excessive dark material from view. "You have no idea." Her voice was slightly off kilter from what Sookie remembered but couldn't put her finger on what had changed about it.

"Is everything…okay?" Sookie questioned curiously but cautiously, yet again weary of the response and wondering if she should be setting herself up to be in the middle of it. The lace distorted her facial features even as Pam turned toward her.

"What's the status on Eric?" The quick diversion was not lost on Sookie and it only served to heighten her curiosity.

"He's fine. He's upstairs watching Buffy. Why are you wearing a veil?"

The sentences were strung together so cohesively that Pam almost found herself answering without thought but stopped before she could fall trap to the Fae's sly technique. "He's watching Buffy? The Vampire Slayer? Doesn't sound very Eric…then again, I guess that's to be expected." Pam backtracked, forgetting that this man wasn't the Eric she knew and comparing the two was futile.

Sookie looked at the woman sadly for a brief moment before her head cocked to the side and she took a few steps toward her. "What's-…did you burn your cheek?" Motioning to the area, her eyes squinted slightly, trying to somehow penetrate the veil optically in order to uncover what was underneath.

"Something like that." Bringing a hand up to stop her from moving any closer, Pam added forcefully "Now, drop it." The other woman, however, didn't seem to be paying much attention; instead eyeing the hand Pam had extended. Grabbing it, Sookie's eyes widened. Large black spots were placed sporadically across the skin and in some places it cracked and bled. "Oh my god, what happened-" Before the statement could be finished, Pam's hand jerked swiftly away, covered by the other which appeared unharmed. Realizing the black gloves which completed her ensemble were still lying on the passenger seat, Pam inwardly scolded herself. "If we're done here, then I-"

"Pam" Sookie cut her off, eyebrow rising and tone turning serious as if she were reproaching a child and not a vampire a hundred years her senior. "I'm trying my best to keep Eric safe for you. You asked me to do you this favor and I am. The least you can do is tell me if something's going on that'll put me in more danger than I already am."

"I'm paying you to take care of Eric." Pam corrected pointedly.

"I could've refused."

"Actually, since this is Eric's house, he can stay here whenever he deems fit and there is very little you can do about it."

"Ugh, Pam!" The vampire really could be stubborn but Sookie was persistent. "If you don't tell me then I am going to resend your invitation." All she received was silence, as if the threat were meaningless. With a growl of frustration, Sookie added "And Eric's." Then he would have no place to hide and the witches, or Bill, would be sure to find him.

This seemed to have the desired effect. "Fine" Pam sighed, not looking forward to what she was about to do. "Don't scream." Her half-warning, half-demand, made Sookie swallow as the vampire raised her hands to lift the veil. Making an attempt to keep the noise in her throat from slipping from her lips, Sookie covered her mouth with both hands. A muffled noise, like a squeak, came from beneath her palms regardless of how hard they pressed down.

The right side of Pam's face was all but caved in, the skin which used to cover her cheek was completely abolished and the muscle inside black, appearing to have rotted away. The surrounding flesh was darkened to a royal purple, deep cracks spreading under her eye and down her neck, fractions were red with a mixture of irritation and blood. It was easily one of the most horrifying things Sookie had ever had the misfortune of laying her eyes on.

For a moment, they stood in that way, Pam gauging how utterly grotesque she must appear by the other woman's reaction and Sookie's hands glued over her mouth, fearing their release would liberate the scream Pam had asked her not to give.

It was almost an entire minute before Sookie blinked repeatedly, grasping the situation and clasping her hands to press against her chest. "Mother of God, what happened to your…face?" She didn't want it to come off offensive but Pam had to know what she looked like and the curiosity and concern got the best of her.

"That fucking Witch-Bitch, Marnie, is what happened to my face…what's left of it anyway." She spat Marnie's name as if the mere mention of it brought out a fire in her, which Sookie didn't doubt.

"But…why?"

"She was supposed to fix Eric. At least that's what Lafayette and his bitchy cousin promised me."

"Hey, that's my bestfriend!" Sookie defended automatically, not even noticing the words leaving her mouth until after the fact.

Incredulously, Pam made a sweeping gesture to her marred face. Sookie's hands waved in front of her in apology "Okay, okay, point made."

"Marnie or whoever the hell that was put a spell on me." She was practically growling with anger and it was understandable to say the least.

"Will it wear off?" Sookie asked hopefully.

"Not likely. Not without a reversal spell. Of course, the wiccan cunt is nowhere to be found."

"Oh..." Temporarily taken aback by the harshness of the other woman's words, she hesitated, not quite sure if Pam would appreciate her next question. "What exactly _is_ happening to you?"

"I understood part of the spell. It said something along the lines of 'unsanctified corpse that walks, behold your true self' or some other bullshit. Basically, it's turning me into what I would be today if I wasn't a vampire."

"But…you'd be dead for like 100 years now."

"Exactly." Pam said as the girl put two and two together. "The walking dead technically."

Sookie grimaced "That's…awful. Maybe Bill knows someon-"

Before the thought could even resonate in her human mind, Pam cut it off. "Do not under any circumstance go to Bill. He can't know about this. I can't do what I have to if he has a part in it. We are still on no-kill status and that is not within the bounds of my prospective plans." Basically, Pam was going to fuck up every witch she came into contact with, King be damned.

"If they're dead they can't help you." The moral part of her wanted to save as many lives in this process as possible, even if what they were doing was beyond reprehensible.

"I don't need _all_ of them alive." A wicked smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth before turning serious once more. "Hopefully one of them will know how to help Eric."

Realizing Pam hadn't been talking about getting vengeance for herself but for Eric, Sookie shook her head. "Eric's good, really, he's a rascal but he's not going anywhere. You should focus on you and _this_" she motioned to her face to symbolize Pam's current issue.

"It is rather horrifying isn't it?" Pam asked, knowing the answer, looking around for a mirror.

Trying to make sure she didn't find one, Sookie continued. "That's not what I meant. It looks…painful. Is it?" That was a stupid question and she knew it the minute it left her mouth.

"Have you ever had your body slowly decay while you were still living inside of it?" The question was rhetorical but it held no self-pity, only the attempt to explain.

"'Nuff said." Sookie waved the conversation away, not wanting to think about it. She understood and wished to leave it at that.

A chocked off scream came from the doorway. The two woman's eyes snapped over to meet Eric's dropped jaw and panicked expression.

Pam turned away with vampire speed. On one hand, she didn't want to frighten him. But on the other, she couldn't stand the way he was looking at her, how revolted he was by her.

Almost as quickly, Sookie was by his side, pulling him toward the living room.

Eric's eyes never wavered and Pam could feel them boring holes into the back of her head. "But-She's-How-But" His words ran together, no clear sentences coming through. It was obviously scaring him and Sookie tried to relocate him to his cubby.

"Come on, dear. It's okay." She tried to calm him while guiding them to the wardrobe.

"But her face-she looked-" Eric couldn't understand why the sight caused a pain to blossom in his chest, an ache that was strange since he didn't recognize the woman whatsoever.

"I know, I know" Sookie replied. "Let's go to bed. It's almost dawn. Come on."

Resisting the futile attempts to maneuver him, Eric felt something deep inside of him pull toward the kitchen, needing to fix her somehow, yet he held no desire to witness what he just had ever again. It played tricks with his consciousness. Was he disturbed or distressed? But then, was he scared for her or for himself? She was a stranger it had seemed. Yet, he always knew when she was at the door, even if he was safely tucked away in his cubby or up the stairs and out of sight. Sookie had informed him the vampire's name was Pam but had not spoken much more on the matter. Then again, Eric had not questioned it for the sake of his own sanity. They both seemed to silently agree that the past was not something either of them was fit to discuss much less hear. It struck him as increasingly odd, however, that when Pam was around he experienced emotions that were not his own. It was impossible to miss but he kept his mouth shut tight for fear of what the truth would reveal. It was hard enough for Sookie to take care of him; he didn't want to bring this Pam woman down with him too. Plus, if he was honest, she scared him a little. The emotions rolling off her in waves were always fraught with fear and anger, both of which frightened him. Now they were muddled with pain and despair, making it almost too much to stand to have her around at all. Why couldn't he block her out?

"Is she sick?" He asked, finding himself concerned over the answer.

"Yes, but she's not going to hurt you." Every creature that posed a possible threat made Eric jumpy so that was what Sookie immediately related his panic to.

The struggle died as she opened the wardrobe doors. "Is she dying?" His wide, sad eyes met hers, searching for honesty in her reply.

Sookie hesitated momentarily "Course not" She saved "Now, get in the cubby. You don't want to get the bleeds again." She ushered him in, waiting until he was safely at the bottom of the metal stairs before closing the doors.

When she finally made it back to the kitchen, Pam was gone. In her place was a slip of paper with her personal cell phone number on it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own my crazy thoughts and that's about it.

Reviews are always appreciated :)

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><p>They spoke solely over the phone for the next nine days. Her cell would ring like clockwork every night at 7 pm. They would share information – Sookie on Eric's status and Pam on her advancement with the witches. It appeared as if there was little progress to speak of. She had been successful in cornering a few of them, singling them out. But none had the capability to reverse the spells and Sookie didn't dare ask what had become of them. The only remaining witches, as far as she knew, were Lafayette, Marnie, Jesus and Holly. Well, Tara should be included in there somewhere since Pam wouldn't take a second thought to group her with the others even though she wasn't supernatural.<p>

Anytime Sookie tried to question Pam's 'skin' situation, she would receive either a creative diverting of topics or a dial tone. It was clear that Pam wasn't looking to speak of her current misfortune and certainly wasn't keen on anyone else finding out about it.

That day, however, Eric had braved coming out of his cubby long enough to snatch her phone, claiming he 'couldn't sleep and didn't want to disturb her'. He'd played Tetris until the battery died, so when the night came, Sookie couldn't find it or the charger in time for Pam's call. Of course, she'd carelessly forgotten to reconnect her land line after returning from the Fairy world. It hadn't seemed important at the time. Her cell phone would suffice. Well, not tonight it seemed.

"Pam's gunna be pissed." Sookie made a face, staring at the mobile device intently as if she could will it into charging via brain wave.

As if on cue, there came a knock at the door. Unsurprisingly, it was the progeny herself.

Opening the door, Sookie spun around swiftly to walk into the hallway, trying to explain herself before there was time for an argument. "Okay, my phone's dead. I couldn't find the charger and my home phone isn't connected yet. I wasn't avoiding your ca-" Swiveling back around, her voice caught in her throat.

The figure she could loosely identify as Pam leaned in the doorway. There wasn't a scrap of her original, fashionable self left to speak off. Only a patch around her left eye was assumingly its appropriate color. The rest was red or black, some parts peeled and caked with blood where others were rotted and vaguely reminded her of craters in the moon. The muscle was exposed and handfuls of veins were evident in her neck. It was a good thing they no longer pulsed or else Sookie was sure she would have been sick.

The amount of blood matted in her hair made it almost impossible to recall she had once been blonde. Not to mention the way it seemed half as thick and clumping at sections around the base of her skull.

A black long sleeve shirt and loosely fitted black sweatpants covered most of her skin but it didn't stop the fabric from revealing where parts were caved in or others were peeling away.

Hand rising to press against her lips, Sookie's eyes widened, prickling with tears. She simply couldn't bear to see her this way. They weren't exactly close but they did spend more time around each other than she seemed to spend with any of her friends in Bon Temps. Plus, their constant interaction over the past two weeks on Eric's behalf had warmed her to the vampire she had once considered heartless. It was clear how deep her love for Eric truly ran and that amount of devotion touched Sookie's heart. Not to mention her general compassion made it impossible for her to see someone suffer so unjustifiably.

"Oh, Pam." She whispered, both hands hovering in front of her mouth, not completely over the initial shock. "I didn't even recognize you."

"Neither do I" Pam replied in a raspy voice which only made the ache in her heart that much worse. Seeing it was one thing, an awful thing, but hearing its effect made it real. It betrayed any semblance of 'okay' the vampire could have pretended to be.

Sookie found herself increasingly impressed by Pam. She hadn't complained once about this to her, even though Sookie was the only one, besides the witches, who knew about it in order to confide in. Not even now did she ask for pity or understanding, only if her Maker was still safe in his 'hide-out'.

"Oh my god." Sookie couldn't break herself away from the utter shock that had taken over her brain as her eyes swept over the other woman. "Oh…oh my _god_."

"Stop saying that." Pam snapped, going to put a hand on her hip but hissing and removing it quickly.

"I'm sorry. I just…you're so…" Not wanting to come off too concerned because there was a very real possibility that Pam would refuse any help she could think of giving and simply turn around and leave the house without another word spoken. This was definitely a moment to tread lightly.

"Don't you think I know that?" Pam asked, breaking the fairies gaze.

"Of course." She nodded, hesitating briefly before daring to ask "Is there anything I can do? Maybe Dr. Ludwig can-"

"I've tried all of those things and things you would never imagine…or condone. Nothing's going to fix this except Marnie's head on a platter."

"Oh…we'll find her, Pam." She struggled to sound certain of that statement. "I'll ask around. I can probably be more helpful in the 'people' area." She suggested.

"Because you're not a monster?" Pam asked without the sarcasm she attempted to produce.

"No! I meant because of the telepathy. I'm sure people would talk to- well, maybe not, well, I don't know. Some people are just-" The words were jumbled together and tumbling out so quickly that it only served to deepen the hole she was digging herself.

"If you back pedal any faster you'll be moon walking into the living room." Pam shook her head. "I don't have enough cartilage left for this conversation. Just tell me about Eric."

"Cartilage? Isn't that what makes your bones move?" Sookie wondered aloud, either not taking the hint that Pam wanted to leave as soon as possible or simply ignoring it.

"Precisely" Curt and to the point, she just didn't have the energy to deal with this meaningless bullshit.

"I would ask if you wanted to see him but I guess that's not something you'd want…" It was as much a statement as it was a question. There was the likelihood that Eric would be just as petrified, if not more so, this time as he was the first go-round. But Pam could be willing to take that chance. She hadn't seen him in a while.

"No, that's probably not a good idea."

Pam seemed like a reasonably selfish creature so it was mildly shocking to Sookie that she wouldn't ask to see her Maker after being separated and with all she was going through; not that Sookie didn't agree with her decision.

"Do you have any blood?"

"I have some Tru Blood but I thought you hated that stuff." Sookie motioned toward the kitchen in case the vampire's palette had changed.

"What?" Pam asked incredulously.

"You asked if I had any blood."

"No, I didn't." She spoke as if Sookie were playing some sort of trick.

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"Oh, well, I meant do you have any information - anything new?" She moved past the incident swiftly.

"Um, not really. Why'd you ask if I had any blood?"

Making a vain attempt to roll her eyes, she replied "Preoccupied"

"With blood?" Of course, Sookie wasn't letting it go and if she'd thought herself capable, Pam would have sped back to her car before the girl could blink an eye.

"If you hadn't caught the gist of our earlier interactions, let me make it clear to you now. I don't need nor desire your nose in my business. I am perfectly capable of handling this on my own." Pam waved her hand dismissively but even this small action knocked her balance off kilter and she had to quickly grab the banister to halt further decent to the floor.

Taking a few steps closer but stopping when she realized Pam had caught herself, Sookie's hands went to her hips. "Clearly. Now, will you stop being such a baby and let me help you?"

Pam scoffed "I'm very nearly five times your age."

"Then you're a natural Benjamin Button because you certainly have the stubbornness of a toddler." She retorted which caused them both to chuckle.

"Come on; let's go to the living room." She wasn't really sure in the slightest how she could be of any help at all to Pam but she would make the effort. Not to mention, there was no way the Fae would be able to lift her if she were to collapse in the hallway. On that topic, Sookie didn't think she had the stomach to touch her either. It was a terrible thought but it was the truth. Not only out of repugnance but out of fear of causing more harm than help.

There was a pause where Sookie thought for sure Pam would refuse but finally she straightened and nodded for her to lead the way. Respecting the other woman enough not to watch whatever attempt she made at walking, Sookie kept her eyes forward. Trying to help her do something as simple as getting to the next room probably would not have ended well on either of their behalves. Coddling wasn't something Pam appreciated or tolerated. She hated being weak and most importantly she hated other people seeing her that way. It made Sookie wonder if Pam had always been like this or if countless years of Eric's cold exterior had caused her to adopt a similar attitude. She knew Eric hated to see women, or anyone at all for that matter, cry. Perhaps it was for this reason that Pam never did so. Now that she thought about, Sookie was fairly positive that was the explanation and felt almost bad for the other woman but had to remind herself that Pam was a big a vampire and it wasn't really any of her business.

"Do I need to put something on the sofa?" It was an inner thought that verbalized itself before it could be reeled back in. The image of Pam getting up and leaving some of herself behind had flashed vividly through her mind. Cringing at the harshness of her words, Sookie opened her mouth to take it back but was cut off.

"I could leave." Pam bit back in a tone that said I'm-your-guest-bitch.

"Could you?" Sookie asked, knowing it would upset her but again letting the words slip away.

Turning on her heels, Pam made to walk out the door but Sookie called out "No, no, I'm sorry! Pam, come back, please?" Why was she calling her back? Why did she always have to help every goddamn vampire that came to her door? Well, that was pretty easy. She could put up a fight and be stubborn as hell but Sookie had a good heart and you don't just throw all the morals you were raised on to the wind on account of some blood sucker rubbing you the wrong way. If she didn't think it would immediately come back to bite her in the ass, Sookie might voice the opinion that Pam was probably the closest she'd ever have to a vampire-friend.

Not bothering to turn around just yet, keeping the possibility of walking out the door open, Pam replied "If I wanted to be spoken ill of I would have come to see you sooner, Sookie. This is why the cell phone was invented."

It was clear that she had touched an extremely sensitive nerve and now was the only opportunity to mend it. "No, I'm sorry, really. I was just letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. It was stupid. You can sit wherever you want. Hell, you can stay the day if you feel like."

Turning to face her with what Sookie could guess was a look of incredulity but couldn't really be sure at this point. "I lost my looks, Sookie, not my house."

"I know, I just mean…well, if you didn't _want_ to go home." That approach was obviously leading in a bad direction, so Sookie chose a new one. It was not of the proper decorum to ask Pam if she needed help, it was better to offer it inadvertently and allow her to take the bait without ever speaking a word of it between them. "We need to talk about the witches and sort out a plan. We obviously aren't doing very well separately and with my help maybe you can catch them a little quicker and get this mess all sorted out." It seemed logical enough and was having much more success than the first attempt. "Plus, you can be here if any of them come for Eric" She added "And…do you need any more reasons, cause I can do this all day." Sookie smirked, easing the tension that had been placed by her previous slips of speech.

Without opening her mouth to agree, Pam slowly sat down on the couch. That was as good as a yes in Sookie's book.

"Great! Okay, let me heat up some Tru Blood real quick." She moved to start a path to the kitchen.

"I don't need you playing hostess for me." Pam called, stopping the girl in her tracks.

"Would you rather get it yourself? It's not like I haven't put a bottle in a microwave before. It's not rocket science." Sookie rolled her eyes before adding "Is this an 'I-don't-want-your-pity' attitude or is it something else because I can tell you right now, I don't pity you, Pam. I'm not that stupid." She saw Pam smirk before she continued "Now, I feel _bad_ for you because what's happening to you is beyond awful and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But that doesn't mean you're any less of a vampire. Hell, if it was me, I'd be curled up in the corner balling my eyes out and waiting to die and I certainly wouldn't be putting on any thrilling heroics to catch some dirty witches. So, no, I don't pity you. I respect you." By the end of her speech, Sookie had made her way to the other sofa, sitting directly across from Pam and saying every word whilst looking her dead in the eyes.

No one had looked at Pam for more than a few seconds with anything but revulsion since the spell was cast and it would be a lie to say it didn't mean a great deal to her now. Not only that, but the fact this Fae could say she actually respected her, someone who had the appearance of a mangled corpse strung through a shower of sulfuric acid was not what she expected but certainly something she appreciated more than Sookie could realize.

A moment passed in complete silence but Sookie could see the gratitude in Pam's eyes even though the words didn't pass her lips. There was no need to say thank you, it was understood.

"Now, once again, can I get you any Tru Blood?" She spoke the sentence slowly as if it were to a small child.

"No."

"Why?"

"Why must you ask so many questions?"

"Well, when you start answering some of them maybe they'll stop piling up."

"This 'maybe' word doesn't sound promising."

"Pam! You are the most ungodly stubborn woman I have ever met!"

"It's a gift." She leaned back on the sofa.

"You're not telling me things and I don't like being lied to."

"I'm not lying. I'm just not telling you the truth. There's a distinction." She corrected.

Sookie snapped her fingers and pointed at Pam "Ah-ha! So you _aren't_ telling me something."

Pam rolled her eyes as the girl's childish response "You should keep this Nancy Drew disguise; it'll come in handy when Halloween rolls around."

"Come on, I've been more than hospitable. Don't you think I have proven myself at least a little trustworthy?" It wasn't so much what Pam had to say, just the fact that she could tell her. It strung an unfamiliar heart string in Sookie to see Pam so alone during such a dire situation. A year ago, she would have considered this 'vampire business', nothing which she could relate to or help with. Unfortunately, she had discovered over her eventful relationship with the vampires of Bon Temps and Shreveport, and her not-so-very extended knowledge of the species in general, that she could in fact relate to them and it often came down to her to get them out of a jam or two.

"If I tell you will you quite with your insufferable nagging?"

"Yes" She chirped.

Pam sighed "Fine, I can't drink Tru Blood – or any blood for that matter."

"Why?"

As if she thought that she could get away that easy. She reluctantly continued. "As it may have come to your attention, _this_ is a little more exposed then it used to be." She motioned toward her neck where it was chillingly apparent that a huge hole made a clearing to where presumably her esophagus would be. It was a good thing she didn't need to breathe. "Have you ever had a slit in your straw?" Pam asked, making the image personal, causing the other woman to shudder.

"So, it just…" Unable to put it into words, she mimed the blood pouring from her neck. The very action making her nauseous.

"Precisely. Wouldn't want to get blood all over your thrifty rug; now would I?" Her eyes darted to look distastefully at the antique material.

"I bet it hurts like a bitch, too." Sookie mused, stuck on the image.

"There's that."

Breaking herself from the nightmarish thoughts, Sookie looked up quickly as if a light bulb flickered on in her brain. "IV! You could use one of those right? I mean, it works on humans. It might like…leak" She shuddered but pressed on "But, it's better than nothing right? You've gotta be hungry."

That actually wasn't bad and Pam let the idea swirl around in her head for a moment. Though, the thought of being hooked to a literal blood bag was demeaning on more levels than one. "Because I see those lying around your house like dishrags. Anyway, hospitals don't service vampires anymore, remember? We're the _enemy_."

"My cousin's a vet. I'm sure they have stuff like that. I can just ask to borrow it for a costume party or something." Sookie was pretty proud of herself for coming up with the plan so quickly and smiled despite the severity of the situation.

"A vet? I look like a poodle to you?" Even though it was rhetorical, Pam added quickly "Don't even think about answering that question." The current decomposition of her facial features were too vulnerable to verbal attack and she was damned if she was going to open it up to anymore.

"We all have the same innards. Would you really rather starve than use something that may have come in contact with a fluffy puppy?"

There was a pause where Pam cocked her head to the side in contemplation. As if there were a chance her answer would be yes.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. I'm calling her." Sookie strode off to the kitchen before a complaint could be made. Some headway had thankfully come of the phone's battery recovery and since it was securely hooked to its charger there was little fear of it dying on one call.

**To Be Continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Don't own anything. If I did, then Pam would be ripping Tara apart like confetti and Eric would be right there to help her.

Reviews are always welcome :)

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><p>It took her a good fifteen minutes to get a hold of her cousin and explain the situation which in actuality was a rehearsed speech thought up as the phone rang. It was for the greater good so in the end she figured lying was forgivable.<p>

"Thanks, Robin. I'll pick it up after my shift tomorrow. I owe you one." It wasn't an empty gesture either. Sookie fully intended to pay her back for her kindness. It seemed like the only time she contacted her family, or anyone for that matter, was to ask for a favor or for help in whatever supernatural crisis she found herself in that week. Hopefully, a time would come that she would be provided a chance to give back somehow to the people in her life that put up with all this shit.

Frankly, she wouldn't be too surprised if Tara never spoke to her again. It would be understandable, that's for sure. Tara's life was hard enough without Pam locking a target on her back and Sookie couldn't help but blame herself for that. The girl had just wanted peace and normalcy in New Orleans. But the second Sookie got back to town, everything went straight to hell. There had been a few times in the past week that Sookie had to restrain herself from calling her best friend to invite her over for some much needed and long awaited bonding time. The prospect of her reaction to seeing Eric was certainly not a pleasant one. She'd be doing more harm than good. Not to mention, lord knows what Pam would do if she laid eyes on her. No, there would be no mending bridges or affirming old bonds. For now they all had to suffer.

Relaying her gratitude once more before saying goodbye, Sookie shut her phone and laid it back on the counter.

A triumphant smile plastered on her face as she entered the living room. Approaching behind the couch where Pam sat, she proclaimed "Guess who just got you all hooked up with an IV? Pun intended." She was good for something after all. However, the other woman didn't acknowledge her. "I'm picking it up tomorrow after my shift. And before you even get any weird vampire-thoughts, I am not going to look for any human blood to put in there and I'm certainly not giving you mine. So, don't even ask. Tru Blood can't be that bad." She knew Pam had a particular distaste for the stuff but it was nourishment and that's all that should matter. Besides, it wouldn't be touching her tongue anyway.

All she received was silence. "You're welcome, Pam!" Sookie said forcefully, trying to elicit some sort of response. None of this was her responsibility. She figured she could at least get a nod for her efforts.

The vampire jolted forward suddenly, causing Sookie to all but leap out of her skin. Stumbling back a step, she managed to control her shock, worrying Eric might be alarmed if he sensed any panic.

Coming around to the other side of the couch, she saw Pam's eyes open widely, taking a sweep of the room as if to figure out where she was exactly before making eye contact with her.

"You scared the crap out of me." Sookie breathed deeply, relieved because, knowing this town, it could have been much worse. "Wait, were you asleep? I was gone for like 5 minutes?" Her thumb hooked behind her in the general direction of the kitchen in disbelief.

Pausing momentarily to compose herself, Pam replied "I guess so." She didn't quite remember what had happened. One minute she was watching the waitress walk away and the next she was being yelled at.

"You guess so?" Her tone was incredulous and she checked her watch "It's only 9 o'clock. You've only been up for-" before Sookie could speak whatever logic she was trying to bring to the table, Pam finished her sentence with the correct information.

"Two days...three, perhaps, they blend together." Pam shook her head as if the confusion over how long she'd been awake was worse than the answer.

"Three days? Pam, what the hell? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Sookie asked in surprise of the other woman's recklessness. The bleeds were not a joke. It could be tolerated for a length of time but after a while the pain of their bodies attempting to force them into sleep became too much to handle. Not to mention the blood loss could do a number as well.

"Quite the opposite actually." There were a lot of things that needed her attention at the moment. Who had time for sleep when bodies were rotting, Maker's were blissfully unaware, witches were running rampant, and bars needed tending? Not to mention that Eric's previous position of sheriff was temporarily placed on her shoulders. No one knew about this of course because she had to make all commands under the table in order to keep up the façade that Eric had never left.

"You're no help to yourself or Eric if you're dead." The Fae told her in a matter-of-fact tone.

"No good asleep either." The vampire retorted simply to argue instead of trying to disprove the statement. She knew Sookie was right but was too set in her mission to give into simple logic. Sleep was necessary but fixing Eric was mandatory. What use would there be to live if there was no one to share it with? How could she lay in a coffin while those witches laughed and went about their day as if no one paid the consequence of their actions? They were children playing with matches and they burnt the house down. Pam wouldn't rest easy until each one begged her for mercy.

"Three days? Is that even possible?" Cocking her head to the side, Sookie put a hand to her ear "Wouldn't you have the bleeds? When Eric is too stubborn to get in his cubby his ears bleed." It surprised her how this conversation was occurring with such an air of nonchalance. Much of the supernatural things in this world had long since worn their wear on her and become uncomfortably familiar.

Pam didn't reply, simply leaned forward on the sofa. At first, the action was out of place and almost frustrated the telepath because she was sure it was another attempt to evade her questioning. But when thick red droplets began to make a steady stream from the vampire's ears and nose to the rug, Sookie immediately understood. The general look of Pam's face made it near impossible to tell what blood was fresh and what was caked on. There were too many abrasions on her skin to tell that the blood she saw was from the bleeds. But, now, it made sense. The black fabric hid the pools of blood on her shoulders, running down her back and chest. If that much blood could be played off as a side effect of the curse then this was worse than she thought.

"Christ!" Sookie jumped up, but hadn't a clue what to do after that so just stood with arms extended in front of her in shock. For some reason, the impact of what she was seeing finally hit her in one collective wave. The horror of it had long since settled in her brain but the severity of the situation just now seemed to come to her attention.

Before, the effects of the curse were disturbing to say the least but she had thought Pam more than capable of handling it on her own. After all, Pam didn't come off as someone who required or accepted assistance. She was always in charge of the situation and her emotions. Sookie had thought this time to be no different. Most likely due to her telepathy, she liked to believe she saw past the surface of people, saw them more clearly for who they really were. But in this circumstance she could not have been more wrong and the knowledge of it caused a look of utter guilt and regret to plaster her face.

'_Why didn't I offer early? I knew what was happening. I saw her freaking face! But I didn't do anything! Eric's gunna kill me. Oh god, what if she dies? What if she _does_ die? Eric really will kill me! He's gunna come back all memory-restocked and ask where she is and I'm gunna have to tell him that she's…shit, why am I so stupid? Wait! What do I tell Bill? He'll question me for sure. Lord, I've been shiftier than a two-bit thief around him for weeks. I'm going to jail. Jail, I can't go to jail. He wouldn't, would he? I need to go to church. I need to start praying again. I need to get my shit together. First thing, stop cussing.'_ Sookie's mind flew a mile a minute as her eyes, wide as saucers, absent mindedly stared at the steadily growing pool of blood in front of her.

"So much for the rug" Pam's voice, though recognizably flippant, sounded far off and it took her a moment to come back around. Eyes snapping from the crimson puddle to Pam's mouth, which appeared to me moving again, Sookie tried to break away from her own thoughts in order to focus on the other woman rather than herself.

"-cheap anyway. Told Eric to chose the Malika Persian rug in burgundy but he insisted on the beige Swedish textile. Something about tradition or other." She leaned forward a little more to survey the damage done to the old-fashioned decoration, hoping it was enough to be replaced. In doing so, she exposed the area of the couch where her back had previously rested. It was glistening with streaks and splotches of blood. If it were possible, Sookie's eyes opened even wider to a point she thought they might just fall out of her head.

"You…I…" This sentence wasn't beginning well and, in all honesty, Sookie wasn't sure what she could say or do for that matter. But getting tongue-tied wasn't helping anyone. Shaking her head to try and clear her thoughts then gather them again, she prepared to approach the topic in a more level-headed manner. "Why didn't you say it was that bad?" Her tone came off far more accusatory than planned. Some part of her was angry that Pam had let it get this far without speaking up. It was all in concern but her temper flared unexpectedly.

"Calm it down, Fairy Princess, it isn't that bad. Just a little mess on your refurbished floors, nothing a little bleach won't clean right up." Apparently, if she could still talk then Pam didn't consider it an issue.

"Screw the floor, Pam!" Sookie waved her arms incredulously. "You're bleeding all over my couch!"

"Oh" Pam scooted forward in the seat, turning to inspect the area spoken of. "Well, you said I could sit anywhere." It was almost apologetic. But it was the fact that she really believed Sookie was still speaking of her furniture that heightened her frustration.

"I don't care! The couch can be replaced. You can't."

Pam merely observed her for what felt like minutes, eyes squinting slightly at the woman's sudden outburst. It puzzled her as to why she was suddenly showing what appeared to be concern on her behalf.

"Does that fact…_bother_ you?"

"Of course!" It was a reaction rather than a thought-out response so when Pam asked "Why?" She was caught off guard. There had to be a reasonable answer, right? Why was one not coming to her?

After a lengthy pause of contemplation that had Pam more than intrigued, she replied "Eric would kill me if I let you die." That was logical and true enough. It seemed a safe response.

Pam sighed and leaned back on the sofa with what Sookie could swear was disappointment. "I highly doubt he would hold you responsible in any way. Those witches, however, I hope there's a hell so I can witness their dismemberment." The wicked smirk she produced came off quite differently due to the right side of her lips melting away.

Deciding to finish off her statement with a little more truth, Sookie shrugged "And I guess I like you a little bit too. I mean you aren't exactly _friend_ly but we're sort of friends right?" She questioned, not quite sure what to title their relationship.

Pam seemed to be at a loss as well. "You are highly frustrating, nosy beyond belief, a trouble-maker, and don't have much fashion sense beyond the use of a sundress." Sookie rolled her eyes and huffed, feeling that this was exactly what she should have expected Pam's response to be. The vampire continued, "But…you aren't bad for a breather."

Perhaps, she shouldn't have found that to be as big of a compliment as she did, considering the insults which preceded it, but Sookie grinned massively. Coming from Pam, the vampire who despised the frailness and ignorance of human kind, it meant a great deal.

A hiss of pain brought Sookie out of her delight. Pam appeared to be holding something in her hand; presumably something that had just fallen off of her but Sookie didn't dare ask what it was. It served to bring her back to the real issue though.

"We need to do something – fast. If this all happened in a week then there is no way you're gunna last much longer." Those words stung even her and she tried to reel them back in. "Not that I think you're going to die. You _could_." It was a possibility in terms of logic but not in terms of Sookie's mind. She wouldn't allow it. "But, you won't. I promise." The last words were spoken with such sincerity that Pam almost believed it.

"Well, aren't you sweet?" It was an observation and not a question but it brought back memories of the first time Sookie had met Pam. That night at Fangtasia she had spoken almost the exact same words. But, tonight, it was different somehow. It wasn't sarcastic or critical. It held a grateful undertone which Pam hoped was conveyed because she found it difficult to actually speak her thanks.

"Not really" Sookie smirked, just for the sake of the past.

Bringing them back to the present, Pam asked "You said you would be going to your cousin's tomorrow? I can swing by after the bar closes if you want to leave it on the porch."

Sookie's eyebrow raised and her mouth hung open slightly. "Are you serious? No! You can't really be thinking of running Fangtasia like this?"

"Why not? I've been doing it for the past week. What's different now?" Pam asked as if she were still capable of climbing sky scrapers.

The thought of Pam managing an entire bar while her skin rotted off made her feel guilty once more but she pushed it aside to work on convincing the headstrong vampire. "Well, first off, I'd be surprised if you made it back to the car without passing out. Secondly, I have a perfectly big enough cubby for your stubborn butt to sleep in. Oh, and thirdly, I'm pretty sure you're holding your fingernails."

Opening her closed fist, Pam eyed the once beautifully painted nails with dismay. She might as well pick the rest of them off. Those remaining were coated in a delicious red varnish but it contrasted horribly with the look of her putrefying flesh. With a sigh, she turned her wrist and allowed them to drop on the sofa cushion beside her in a small pile as if she planned on collecting them later.

Sookie took a moment to shudder before continuing "Exactly. Now, just stay in the cubby. Eric definitely built it big enough - in hopes of getting me in it no doubt." Her eyes rolled at the old Eric's antics.

"I know how big the cubby is, Sookie. I designed it." The telepath didn't seem to have thought of that. "Did you really suspect Eric to sit around picking paint chips and throw pillows?"

"Well, it had an 'Eric' vibe to it."

"It's been a hundred years. I would hope I'd have his style down pat by now."

"Alright, then you know that there's room. So, let's go." She motioned for her to tag along but no one followed.

"I am not staying in a hole with Eric. He doesn't deserve to look at this every day." Her head shook in resistance though she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa and disappear. Actually, what she wanted far more than anything was to be miraculously cured, Eric restored to his rightful self and have Marnie chained in Fangtasia's basement, primed for whatever fresh new hell Pam could conjure up. But she would settle for temporary safety.

"He'd want to help you. Even without his memories Eric wouldn't want to see you suffer." This approach didn't seem to be making much headway, seeing as Pam was more concerned with helping him than the other way around. "You know how mad he'll be if he gets his memory back and I tell him you refused my help and it could've lead to your true death?" She had overheard Eric chastise Pam on insubordination a handful of times. Even though it was often in mocking terms, Sookie found the information useful to the argument.

Contemplating that for a moment, Pam yet again shook her head. "Nah, I'll chance it."

Growling in frustration, Sookie thought about letting her go for a split second just to end this ridiculous charade but got a hold of herself before doing so. "Pam, I know you think you're being all noble or whatever for Eric's sake but if you don't get your rotting ass in that cubby right now I am going to hit you over the head with a frying pan." Pointing dramatically to the wardrobe and then to the kitchen, where she planned on locating said pan, she made it known that the threat was real.

A chuckle followed the girl's warning. Pam peeled off the remainder of her fingernails with a small wince, placing them with the others.

Sookie straightened, squaring her shoulders. "Fine, but know that you had this coming."

Thinking she might actually be going for a frying pan, Pam's eyes snapped up to meet hers. Yet, the waitress simply put a hand to cup her mouth and screamed "ERIC!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Alan Ball and Charlaine Harris are the gods and I a mere pawn.

Reviews appreciated, as always :)

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><p>"What the hell?" Pam shouted angrily just as Eric sped down to Sookie's side.<p>

He had been listening in on their conversation intently from the top of the stairs for most of Pam's visit. Without the distractions of pain and exhaustion, she might have been able to sense him getting closer.

Eric's jaw clenched as his eyes settled on Pam. His imagination had done her no justice. From the stairs he had pictured what could have caused Sookie to express such shock and concern, but the girl must be more familiar with the grotesque than he had realized. The vampire's decomposition was increasing rapidly and Eric could swear he heard her skin bubbling and blood thinning. The sight alone made his feelings run rampant. Not to mention the cocktail of fresh emotions flooding through him caused a dizziness to swarm his mind. Again, this invasion of body – an infiltration of her emotions into him – she was scared which made him scared. She was furious which made him more scared. She was in pain which quite possibly, and most confusedly, scared him the most.

Trying desperately to keep his face from displaying any negative reaction, Eric settled on blinking rapidly before tearing away to look at Sookie. "Y-yes?" That was a good start. The stuttering he could work on but it was only appropriate when you see a corpse in the living room.

"Eric, Pam is your progeny" Sookie said in an informative manner, merely trying to get this piece of knowledge out of the way to get to the real conversation.

"What?" His brow furrowed. Though, the term was familiar to him. He was more shocked than confused, also relieved. The unfamiliar emotions and the déjà vu, it was their bond. "That explains a lot" He muttered quietly, speaking more to himself then the two women who looked at him with very different expressions – Pam with hope and curiosity and Sookie with a flippant gaze which matched her dismissive sigh perfectly. She had rather hoped he had figured that one out a while back and they could get to the meat of the conversation more quickly.

The information wasn't sinking into Eric's mind quickly enough for the telepath's liking. Perhaps, she should have shared this piece of information before now. Then her previous threat wouldn't be losing its value. That frying pan might have to be fetched after all..

'_So, she's my progeny? That's why I feel her when she's around and all her emotions. Can she feel mine? What if she knows what I'm thinking? Then again, I can't tell what she's thinking, well…sort of but not really. But she's got her memories. She knows this bond better than me. She knows _me_ better than me. Maybe she can read me like a book. Crap. What have I thought about her? About Sookie? Wait…she's my progeny – my child – and she's...I don't even know what's happening to her. I never even asked, never asked her if she was okay or if I could help or…Is this my fault? The witches were after me. She was just trying to help me and now she's…'_ Eric's sad eyes met Pam's curious ones with so much regret that it made her physically flinch.

"Yes, well, this means that you can command her." Sookie continued, eyeing Pam who equally glared at her.

"I know" He nodded once in confirmation, hoping his confusion wasn't as tangible as it felt.

"Good, then I need you to order her to get in that cubby and if you add in something about being more agreeable then I wouldn't be put out." Her eyes squinted slightly at Pam, showing her she meant business. It was for the woman's own good but she certainly wasn't taking it that way.

For a moment, Eric looked between the blondes. "Um…" he knew that makers controlled their progenies but he had no recollection of what sort of maker he was to Pam. Was he demanding? Was he encouraging? Did he force her to do his bidding? Was she used to being commanded in this way or would it anger her? "As your maker, I…_command_ you to get in the cubby." The word command felt misplaced on his tongue. It was so harsh and forceful. He didn't much like it and he liked commandeering someone else's body even less. It seemed wrong in a number of ways.

It was successful, however. Pam's eyes flickered for a moment as the struggle faded and she unwillingly gave herself over to the command of her maker. Standing unsteadily, her body did the job that her mind wanted so badly to refuse. Eric and Sookie couldn't help but stare at the newly abandoned couch, taking note of the blood streaking the fabric and small bits of flesh falling between the cushions. The site distracted them from the soundless stumble Pam made in her mechanical walk to the wardrobe. Everything crashed in at once and her legs refused to support her any longer. Her body rejected the vain attempts she made at continuing the suicide march. There was only so long a vampire could stay awake before they simply shut down. When you add in rapid decomposition and massive amounts of stress, it could only end in disaster.

Sookie felt the wave of air as Eric disappeared from her side. In less time than it took to turn her head, Eric was across the room and holding Pam inches from the floor.

She wasn't sure what was more impressive – the vampire senses and abilities or the fact Eric was touching something she'd thought he would find frightening and repulsing. Yet, in this moment, he was utterly unaffected by Pam's physical appearance. Instead, kneeling with both hands firmly wrapped around her forearms, her head hovering inches from the ground.

Shaking her gently in an attempt to rouse her, he realized she had fallen unconscious. Not a moment later Sookie was by his side, assessing the situation. She couldn't help but think that at least this way Pam would be getting some much needed rest, whether it was willfully or not.

His eyes met hers with a mix of sadness and confusion. Trying her best to sound reassuring, Sookie laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. She's just tired." That was certainly a dulled down way to put it but it was also the friendliest. The last thing she wanted to do was alarm him.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's take her to ground. She'll wake up tomorrow." Sookie found herself hoping beyond hope that she was right.

Nodding, Eric pulled his progeny up to wrap an arm around her shoulders and the other under the crook of her knees. He lifted her, shifting so that she curled more easily into one of his arms in order to climb down the stairs of his cubby. Sookie went first to ensure a safe decline for both vampires.

There was a twinge in her heart as Eric eased Pam onto the bed and made sure she was as comfortable as could be arranged before looking down at his hands which dripped with his child's blood. His eyes were stuck on the crimson coating his palms even as he spoke in an almost imperceptible voice "You said she wasn't dying"

Sookie's eyebrows rose suddenly at his statement. Those had been her words, hadn't they? She wanted to be right. God, she hoped she was right. "She won't die, Eric. We'll fix this." But the man in front of her only grew more miserable, continuing to stare at his hands. Taking his wrists and pulling them down to break the gaze, Sookie repeated in a confident tone "She's not going to die. You'd never let that happen. Amnesia or not you are still the most powerful vampire this side of the Mississippi and the best maker I've ever seen."

There was a hope flickering when his eyes finally met hers. "Promise me."

"What?"

"Promise me she won't die. Promise me." He insisted, repeating the final words forcefully. Somewhere in his mind he knew that the likelihood of Sookie miraculously fixing this situation was slim to none but the child which he now resembled stomped his feet and demanded action instead of plotting a course for revenge like his old Viking self would surely have done.

"I promise." Sookie nodded, knowing she would do her best to fulfill those words but not putting complete faith behind them.

There was a pause as they both glanced at the bed with a mixture of emotions. Eric finally broke the silence with his quite voice that was unidentifiable with the baritone Viking she had grown accustomed to. "Why do I care so much?"

"What?" Sookie repeated, not expecting the question.

"I don't remember her but I know I should. I can't place her face in a single memory but I feel like I've known her forever." Eric struggled to put his feelings into words, only managing to convey his confusion. "I feel…connected to her somehow. I know makers have bonds with their progenies but it seems…different."

It had Sookie stumped as well. Her knowledge on vampires only went as far as Bill was willing to tell her and what she managed to pick up over the past year and a half, which wasn't too much. But she tried her best to explain it to him "To be honest, I don't really understand you two either. Then again, neither of you are exactly _sharers_. I do know that she is over a hundred years old and she has spent almost, if not all, of that time with you. Bill mentioned that progenies strike out on their own after a while but their makers can call them back at any time. You manage Fangtasia together so my guess is that you called her back for that but for all I know she never left you. Actually, I'd bet my money that she didn't. I don't know much about Pam but I know she has a lot of love for you." From the glimpses she'd caught of the pair's conversation before Eric and Russell tried their hand at day walking, and how hard Eric had fought to release Pam from the grips of the Magister, it was clear they were a great deal closer than either let on. Of course, those events didn't come close to the display of true loyalty and affection Pam had displayed over the past week. Being rejected by the only person you care about and then having your body melt away is not something that would empower most people to fight like hell for someone other than themselves. That is the time most would either fall apart or struggle to save their own skin above all else – 'survival of the fittest' they say. Other than Godric, the only person Sookie had ever seen Eric show such affection with was Pam. The comparison caused her to realize how truly broken he would be if Pam were to meet the true death. He would have lost his maker _and_ his child in the span of two years.

Letting that information sink in, some of the tension in his shoulders seemed to dissipate. It was a relief to hear that he had apparently done something right. Also, that there had been a time when Pam's life wasn't so miserable. "I don't even know her middle name but I know if she dies I…" There was no word suitable to accurately portray the feeling he would experience.

"I know." She said sadly, rubbing his arms in comfort. "It's Swynford by the way."

"Huh?"

"Her middle name – it's Swynford. Pamela Swynford De Beaufort. I heard you call her that once when she wouldn't follow an order or something." She smiled, remembering the way Eric had growled as Pam smirked, flipped her hair and sauntered out of the office. That's the way things should be – sarcastic and mocking - the good ole days. Well, to be honest, she preferred the current Eric as opposed to the conniving vampire. But Pam, no, she much preferred her with skin intact.

"Pamela Swynford De Beaufort." He repeated slowly, taking time on each syllable. It felt…right. The words were like a phantom on his lips. As if he had spoken them a million times but in another life. She was so close but so far away. All the memories that he was sure they shared were locked away somewhere inside of him. On one hand, he wanted so desperately to unlock them and finally solve the mystery of their relationship and take comfort in the fact someone had loved him, someone had been there. But on the other, the thought of gaining the memories of man who had lived his entire life killing and feeding and pillaging and ruling with an iron fist did not appeal to him in the slightest. In some ways he knew that the man he was speaking of was really him, just a stripped away version, but the rest denied that fact vehemently.

"I think I have a futon or an extra mattress or something upstairs, let me see." Sookie squeezed his shoulder before ascending the stairs in search of sleeping materials.

What felt like minutes passed before his feet unglued from the floor and began to move toward the bed. The body before him had not stirred once. He figured this was a good thing, seeing as vampires were essentially dead while they slept. Not moving was a sign that she wasn't being tossed around in her sleep. Eric had most certainly suffered a bad dream or two so he knew what it was like not to be able to sleep through the day.

He pulled a strand of her hair out from an abrasion on her temple, wincing at the thought of how much pain he would be causing her if she were conscious to experience it. Thinking on that, he took her hand and raised it so that the sleeve could be pushed back gently. Only stopping when the fabric stuck to her skin, Eric eyed the area he had managed to uncover. It appeared that what had become of her face was equally spread across her entire body. He noted thankfully that her wrists had managed to stay reasonably unmarked, seeing as they would be the source of the greatest and quickest blood loss.

The wardrobe doors opened. Eric looked up as Sookie threw a few items down the hole before climbing down.

Before starting the spiel on sleeping arrangements, her eyes caught what Eric was doing. The holes and wounds marring Pam's arm were visible and Sookie could only assume that meant they were open to bacteria as well. She knew vampires didn't get sick like humans but when you tamper with their blood it can have nasty consequences. Since Pam's blood was basically out in the open, it seemed crucial to keep it contained or at least covered.

"Maybe I should call Dr. Ludwig." Sookie pondered, remembering Pam's earlier comment about having seen the woman, but she didn't quite believe that. Seeing as the two did not have the friendliest relationship, it was likely Pam had figured the physician was full of crap and assumed there was nothing she could do without ever actually speaking to her. For someone so familiar with the supernatural and their ailments, the doctor had to know something or know someone who did.

"Dr…Ludwig?" Eric repeated, finding the name strange in and of itself. After pulling the sleeve back to her wrist, Eric's hand did not let go of Pam's, instead holding it delicately in his lap as if it would turn to dust if showed the slightest harshness. He enjoyed the sparks which ignited in their bond whenever they touched. Also, even while dead to the world, he could feel how the small gesture provided her much needed comfort.

"She's a supernatural doctor…kind of. She is a doctor to supernatural creatures. I guess that's the way to put it." When Eric did not seem convinced, Sookie added "You called her in to save my life from a maenad once and here I am." Her arms waved out to her sides to show herself as living proof of the doctor's credentials.

Taking that into consideration, Eric paused a moment before nodding "It can't hurt." That was true she supposed. Anything that could be done would be a help at this point. "What's a maenad anyway?"

"Oh, that is a long and disturbing tale. Let's just say, nobody in this town, excluding vampires, remembers what happened and I prefer to keep it that way. Trust me, you wouldn't be interested."

"I saved your life?" He seemed surprised by this. All of the things told about this 'old Eric' were horrifying and malicious. How did saving a woman's life fit in? Wasn't he evil or at least in part? Do villains often save kittens from burning buildings in this town? Because Eric was having trouble keeping up

"It wasn't the only time and I'm sure it won't be the last. We always find ourselves in some sort of trouble, don't we?"

Looking to Pam's unconscious form, he muttered "As it appears."

She had to catch herself from audibly 'awing' when Eric pulled the covers over Pam like a father tucks in a sick child. The man in front of her was in many ways completely different from the Eric she had grown to know but in other ways he was strikingly familiar. It was these similarities that made it feel okay to enjoy and even love this version of him. It felt wrong to love a person who was merely temporary. Yet, she let herself cling to the hope that this part of him was somewhere inside the Eric with his memories and that it wasn't buried so deep that she never found it again.

"I looked for a mattress but Jason or the workers must have moved some stuff around during the reconstruction. I'll look again" She put her foot on the ladder but Eric stopped her.

"No, it's fine. Really, thank you, but I'll just sleep on the floor."

"Don't be silly, I have a mattress laying around up there somewhere. I'm sure of it. If not we can just take the one off the bed in the guest room."

"You don't have to do that. I'm perfectly fine on the floor. Just need a pillow." He smiled reassuringly, extending his arms for the bedding. She tossed them to him with a sigh.

"You're back will kill you tomorrow." Even as the words left her mouth, Sookie chuckled at the ignorance of them. "Vampire healing, gotcha."

"If I can sleep in a coffin, I can sleep on a rug." He plopped the pillow down and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

"But, I'm getting a mattress tomorrow. This isn't Camp Stackhouse. No need to bunker down. You deserve proper bedding."

With a small smile, he nodded, accepting her terms. "Fine, but I might start calling your home Camp Stackhouse and you my perky counselor."

"And for the millionth time since meeting you I have the thought 'what have I gotten myself into now?'" They both chuckle at this but it ends on a bitter note, seeing as neither of them can sum up the energy to be cheerful right now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Kind of glad I can't claim True Blood. I am a bit disappointed (meaning A LOT) with these past two episodes.

Did not expect this chapter would turn out so long. Hope you enjoy it :)

Reviews are lovely 3

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><p>When the day came to a close and the night encroached once again, Pam did not rise.<p>

Sookie was at work, leaving him without much needed assistance. But the woman had a job and he couldn't ask her to forgo it. Well, anymore than she already was, he should say.

It appeared Sookie had gone to her cousins much earlier than scheduled because when Eric had woken there was an arrangement of medical tools lying in the corner of the room along with a very informative note.

Said note gave instructions on the assembly and functioning of the equipment. Also, it gave advisement on how he might 'handle' Pam and the situation in general. Eric could not have been more grateful that Sookie had taken the time to lay out a few key details and basically given him a written pep talk.

Reading it over carefully before daring to tackle the IV, Eric placed the paper between his lips as he grabbed the pole. Two bags of blood were placed in a duffle bag, along with some clothes and an assortment of other items which he left to handle at a later time. Right now, health was the biggest issue.

It took five minutes before Eric trusted his handy work well enough to test it out. The bag appeared to be successfully attached to the correct hooks, the cord was untangled and had the needle primed at the end just as the letter had instructed.

Looking back at the unconscious form of his 'patient' lying on the bed in the only sleep she'd had in far too long, he couldn't bring himself to use her as a pin cushion. No, he'd master it first. After making special care to avoid air bubbles, Eric took the needle, biting his lip in preparation for the pain, and pierced his wrist into what he believed to be a vein. The first few attempts were unsuccessful but he seemed to get the hang of it. It was uncomfortable and painful to continually prod his flesh with the needle but it was better him than her.

Eric walked over with IV in tow and sat on the edge of the bed. Her wrist was surprisingly room temperature, an odd comparison to his cool flesh. His brow furrowed and he laid the back of his hand on her forehead. For a human it was nothing special but for a vampire the warmth disconcerted him. There was no explanation that his mind could conjure up to explain it which only increased his worry. But, he had to suck it back and just deal with one thing at a time. That was really all he could do at this point. Not just in this situation. He only wanted to move forward and leave the past as the past, plain and simple. Easier said than done.

This time he found the vein on the first try, needle sliding in like butter. Pam's fingers flexed, closing lightly around his arm, the only sign she'd felt a thing.

Satisfied when the blood began to flow with no horrible side effects, Eric allowed himself to relax a bit.

He took a few minutes to clean up his sleeping quarters from the day, knowing Sookie would be bringing him something 'more suitable' later that night. When his cubby was clean enough for his liking, he fell into a daydream state where he envisioned what his life could be like if he continued in this way without regaining his memories, how the regaining of his memories would affect him, and what Eric's life with Pam over the past hundred years must have been like.

The time must have flown because the bag was half way empty by the time Pam stirred from her comatose sleep.

At the first groan, Eric was alert, coming to the side of the bed with vampire speed.

Pam didn't think it was possible to wake up to such an awful existence. Every muscle in her body ached and every inch of flesh burned. The feeling of decomposing made her ill and angry simultaneously. Her natural reaction was fury and it kept kicking in, wanting to just kill things when the pain got to be too much.

Waking up shouldn't make you immediately want to crawl back into the darkness and unawareness of sleep.

Though, in some way, she felt more energized, better in the sense that she wasn't so damned hungry. That was unusual. The curiosity forced her eyes open. They immediately fell on the IV standing close to her head. It was now that she felt the needle in her wrist and the blood pumping through her veins. Her first reaction was panic, not liking the fact a foreign substance was suddenly being injected into her flesh without her consent.

Quicker than he could think to stop her, Pam reached over and ripped the needle out causing a small tear to form and blood to drip from her wrist.

Eric's fangs popped out, not in thirst but in anger and concern. Before she could push herself off the bed, he slammed her back down, instantly regretting the forcefulness of the action, seeing her face contort in pain. With vampire speed, his hands only left her shoulders for a split second before he was back in place, pinning her down, now garnishing a roll of duck tape.

"The hell?" Pam managed; struggling under Eric's much stronger arms. It was no use but she was not one to submit under distress. It was her instinct to fight back, to get angry.

"Stay still." Eric demanded, replacing the needle in her wrist and wrapping a strip of duck tape around it like a silver bracelet to ensure its placement. It was harsh but necessary. Pam would have only tried it again and probably still would.

She finally gave up the fight in order to eye him curiously and angrily as he taped her wrist. "What the hell is that? An IV? Ugh, Stackhouse." Pam growled, recognizing what must be happening. "Wait, how'd I get here?" She remembered the command to get into the cubby but after that everything was a big blank.

"You fainted." Eric told her simply, as if it weren't unusual in vampires.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she let out a frustrated sigh. "Of course I did…what time is it?" She looked around as if a clock would magically appear or perhaps a window.

"9 pm" He said, hands releasing their pressure but not leaving her shoulders in fear she would attempt a quick escape again.

"Nine?" Pam tried to sit up but was stopped abruptly by the non-budging palms of her Maker. "Fangtasia was supposed to open hours ago!" This didn't faze Eric. He wasn't letting her go.

"It can wait."

"Yeah, when the real Eric gets back and finds out his profits dropped considerably because of my laziness, I don't think he'll be flashing any smiles." Again, he was unfazed, but was hurt for a moment at the use of the words 'real Eric'.

"If he's not a complete bastard then he'll understand."

Forgetting his hands were still locked in place, Pam bucked against him "Don't talk about Eric that way! Actually, don't speak about him at all. You don't know him and as soon as I can I am getting him back and you'll be nothing but another bad memory this house can't scrub clean."

Her biting comment was meant to upset him but he was aware that Pam used her mechanism of sarcasm and fury in order to deal with what was happening. In fact, Sookie had written something along those lines in her note. The vampire was stressed and pissed and in a great deal of chronic pain, she had the right to be bitchy sometimes. He understood that. Perhaps better than Pam thought he would.

"You know that isn't true. I'm a part of Eric. You won't be getting rid of me that easy." He smiled jokingly. Though, he truly hoped that if his memories were to be regained that he would somehow end up being a more prominent part of Eric's personality.

Flitting away from that topic quickly, Pam took in her surroundings before meeting his eyes again. "So, you've been here…all night?" The question came off as mere curiosity with a condescending undertone but really she wanted to know if he'd stayed with her and why he would do so.

"Yes." He nodded. "When I rose, I found the equipment Sookie had left and tried to assemble it. You slept like a rock." His hands slowly slipped from her shoulders as they spoke.

Equipment? Her eyes searched for and located the duffle bag overflowing with miscellaneous items. Leave it to Stackhouse to make a sorry-your-life-sucks care package.

"That's…" Kind? Frustrating? None of her business? "Unnecessary" she finished, unable to decide whether she was appreciative of Sookie's gesture or unnerved by her nagging.

"You need blood and this is the only way you can get it." As if she weren't already aware of that.

"Sookie tell you that too?"

There was no need to inform her he'd eavesdropped on their conversation the previous night. So, he merely shrugged.

She gave up waiting for a response, resuming her attempt at releasing the IV. "I don't need this."

He held her arms in place with little effort. "Wow, she was right." By shifting both wrists into one hand he managed to free the other in order to unfold the note, scanning it for a particular line before looking back at her with slight astonishment. "She wrote on here that you'd say that."

Pam rolled her eyes with a huff of air. "Did she now?"

One of his eyebrows rose. "She also says that I shouldn't believe you."

"For fucks sake, this is ridiculous. I'm fine."

A chuckle escapes his lips as he adds "She said you'd _definitely_ say that."

"Give me that fucking note." She snapped, extending her arm for the paper but Eric's hand swiftly stuffed it in his pocket.

While he was preoccupied with the paper, Pam used this as a golden opportunity to escape. There were so many things she needed to get done in such a short amount of time. She didn't need Sookie to set up a vampire babysitter for her. This shit wasn't going to get figured out if she wasn't out there making things happen – ripping throats and demanding action. What good would it do to lay here and slowly ingest blood while a shell of a man starred at you with eyes empty and sad?

"I don't have time for this."She grumbled, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and pushing up to stand.

No sooner had her feet touched the floor than they were flown into the air. Eric moved with incredible speed, grabbing her waist with both hands and slamming her onto the bed with such force that a few of the springs came dangerously close to snapping. The movement shocked her into breathless silence, eyes widening and mouth hanging open as her body went rigid under his grasp. Eric's fangs were out once again but this time he growled at her in anger "You will stay in the bed until the bag is done. Then, you will continue to stay until I voice otherwise." His tone was nothing to fuck with. He meant business. It took Pam by surprise.

A few seconds passed where she stared at him with wide eyes but eventually managed a nod. In that moment he had reminded her so much of the old Eric that she almost allowed herself to believe. Almost.

Seeing what fear he had struck in her, Eric's face softened, losing the intimidating snarl and retracting his fangs. His fingers unclenched from her waist and slid back into his lap. "We have a bond. I don't have a handle on it but its there. I feel all these emotions that aren't mine and I know they're yours. I can't understand them half the time because I'm so new to all this and you aren't exactly forthcoming. But I can feel your pain. I can feel it and it hurts. Feeling you in pain, seeing you in pain, hurts me. I don't know why but it does. So, you need to do this for me. You need to feel better so I can feel better. Okay?" His words were sincere and his eyes practically begged her to understand - to say she felt the same way or had at some point and that he wasn't alone. For her to know that he wasn't trying to be selfish. That he couldn't grasp the meaning of it but he cared.

"…I know" Pam sighed, letting her head fall back onto the pillow. "I know" she repeated, understanding his confliction and confusion with incredible clarity. Nothing between them felt right. Everything was new while simultaneously old. It was like waking up in a house that you don't remember but your clothes are in the dresser and tooth brush on the sink. You can't recognize the atmosphere but its home.

Content with the fact she wouldn't be braving any theatric escapes, Eric pulled her legs up and onto his lap in order to sit while not disturbing her laying position. Her body tensed even farther but slowly relaxed with his careful movements and soft but determined approach.

An entire minute passed as Pam stared at the ceiling, trying and failing to come up with another plan, while Eric watched her curiously.

Pam wasn't the chess player. That was always her Makers forte. Now, she was up the creak without a paddle and finding her predicament extremely unnerving. It was not common for Pam to not get her way. Even though she fought like hell for it, she often won out in some way or another.

Her talents were far and wide – a broad arrangement of skills which consistently proved useful. Thanks to Eric, her natural beauty would be captured for eternity and her powers increased that little bit each nightfall.

She could only hope that someday she would inherit Eric's ability to fly. It had always been an envious topic between the two of them. Even though he insisted it took a century or more to master and most couldn't at all due to a lack of a specific skill or talent, Pam still couldn't help but feel inferior. It was silly and childish but she wanted to fly damnit. She had imagined the scenario a million times – her clumsy attempt at flying would get her at least a dozen feet high before tumbling to the ground, but the look on Eric's face when he saw her accomplish so much, succeed in something so massive and unique, that would be extraordinarily satisfying. He would see tangible proof that all the years he spent training her and teaching her had paid off. That she wasn't lazy or insubordinate. That she was worthy.

The strategizing took a back burner temporarily to be replaced with thoughts of flight and pride and vague normalcy.

Her face lost its edge for a moment, dropping the harshness created by the past two weeks. She allowed herself to be lulled into a semi-trance-like state by the blessed relief of blood flowing through her veins and Eric's hand absent mindedly running up and down her thigh, careful to avoid any damaged areas. The darkness of sleep had just begun to blur the edges of her vision when Eric spoke distantly, as if he was half hoping not to be heard.

"Am I a good Maker?"

Shaking off the tired feeling, Pam propped herself up with an arm behind her head in order to see his face. "What?" She asked incredulously. The answer should be obvious. Who else could create someone as fabulous as Pam?

"I just figured I must not be too good if you're in this mess because of me." His eyes cast downward in something between shame and regret.

Pam's head shook immediately in refusal, shifting to lift herself on her elbows. "I'm in this _for_ you not because of you. I knew they were capable of serious damage. No one pushed me between that bitch and her wand."

"Still…it's my fault. You're in pain because of me. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in this situation"

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here at all." She corrected. "It's my fault for threatening a fucking necromancer. No, actually, it's that uppity wiccan cunt's fault for putting the curse on you in the first place."

Eric flinched slightly at her biting comment on the witch but didn't deny the claim. "I, or Eric, should never have gone there at all. Didn't he know he was putting you and Sookie in danger? Did he not care?"

Blinking a few times, Pam wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. Any explanation given would probably lead to a plethora of new ones from the man in front of her.

"They were witches. Eric, rightfully, thought they would be disbanded with nothing more than a flash of fang. I was actually supposed to go originally but Bill demanded you go instead and now look at you. Look at us." Pam glanced from his wide, blank eyes to her distorted figure, growling "Fucking witches." Sighing loudly, she pulled her elbows out from under her and flopped back onto the pillow, instantly hissing when the friction pulled a piece of her skin on the back of her arm away from the rest.

Eric's eyes darted to the spot. Before her own hand could go to harshly grab at it, he took her arm in his more patient grasp and rolled up the sleeve until the area was exposed. The excess was free to fall away as he grabbed a strip of gauze from the roll Sookie had found and placed it over the fresh wound before rolling her sleeve back down. He did this not only to keep the gauze in place without using tape, which would take more skin off than it would keep on, but it was evident in the way she looked away during the process that Pam loathed seeing her own skin. The more that was covered up the better.

"I'm not a patient. You don't need to do this." It was something they both knew. Eric didn't have to do this for her. He could have remained blissfully unaware and taken no responsibility for her or compassion toward her. But, in his eyes, that was near to impossible. He was drawn to her, compelled to care for her. It wasn't a desire it was a need. He had to help her. She was family. She was blood.

"Hush." He waved it off dismissively, motioning for her not to speak on it any further.

The bag was on its last drops but her skin was still only a few shades away from transparent. It would take another he decided. Unhooking that one and attaching another, Pam went to argue but Eric shot her a no nonsense look. Without feeding for so long, she could use all the blood she could get. Whether she liked it or not, he really didn't care.

After equipping the IV with a fresh bag and making sure it was functioning properly, Eric grabbed the blanket Pam had kicked to the edge of the bed and pulled it up to her waist while she looked on curiously.

"You need to rest." His tone left no room for argument but Pam found some anyway.

"Eric, I've slept. Remember the whole fainting bullshit I pulled earlier? Wasn't that long ago." Pam was still upset with herself for doing something as damsel-in-distress as fainting. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, challenging his gaze.

"It wasn't enough." He retorted

"It isn't even midnight!" Pam seethed

"And yet you're still exhausted. Don't deny it. I can feel it. It's so strong that you're making me tired. It's pretty inconvenient." He added the last bit with a smirk.

"I've been worse." She shrugged.

"Not with me you haven't. Don't make me command you."

Her eyebrow quirked up but she finally lowered herself with shaky arms back down on the bed.

The disposable cell phone Sookie had added to her duffle-bag-of-goodies began to ring. Eric answered, unsurprised to find Sookie on the other end. She apologized profusely for being gone so long and admitted she would have to close up and set up for the morning. She needed all the hours she could get after taking so much time off and Sam had her on a much tighter rope. It would be past dawn by the time she returned home and told Eric not to wait up for her. They discussed Eric's success with the IV. Sookie was immensely proud of how calmly and affectively he had handled the situation. They also spoke briefly about Pam but Eric kept it reasonably short due to Pam's dislike of being spoken of whilst she was literally across the room.

Hanging up, Eric threw the phone back into the bag, turning to look at Pam. She lay in the same position, resuming her ceiling-staring, but this time her hands fiddled with the covers. A certain wave of anxiety washed through her and into him. Not understanding it, he walked over but it almost instantaneously dissipated. This caught his curiosity and just as a test he pretended to need something upstairs, going for the ladder. The same anxiety peaked in spikes at every step he took toward the exit.

She was nervous about him leaving? About being alone?

Without thought on the deeper reasoning behind her fear and not really caring, Eric swiveled, walked back, sat on the edge of the bed and scooped up her hand in his.

She didn't pull away. But tried to sound cynical in her response, wishing she wasn't so weak and didn't need this small comfort. "You're not Eric." The words hurt them both. It was the first time Pam had admitted it out loud or to herself. This man really wasn't Eric. He was a piece of him but not the whole, not the man she knew.

After a lengthy pause, Eric shifted her to the left side of the bed and laid on the right. The quarters were small which made them extremely close even when lying on opposite sides.

"I'm all you've got." It may be sad but it was the truth. "Without at least one person there for you, you'll implode. You shouldn't have to go through this by yourself. I can be that person for you. I _want_ to be, if you'll let me. I know I'm not Eric but while he's gone you need someone. No one deserves to be alone, Pam. You don't deserve to suffer." His eyes searched hers for a sign of the emotions underneath. Would she laugh at him for such childish remarks or perhaps embrace his offer?

"I know a lot of people who would disagree with you there." Not that she cared about what others thought; just that she couldn't consider herself a saint.

"They don't count." He corrected.

There was an agreement in her silence. The only person who mattered was Eric. Fuck everyone else. The world had never embraced her as a human and it exiled her even further as a vampire but she was content with her existence. She reveled in being a vampire and took no shame in it like some others since the Great Revelation. She was proud and unapologetic. The only master she had was Eric and herself. The vampire hierarchy was merely a guideline she humored in order to continue her preferred lifestyle. It meant little to her, as did politics as a whole. Those things were not her field. Eric worked his way through ranks to gain authority for the simple fact that he loved power and found enjoyment in obtaining more of it. Pam did as well but was less patient and more volatile than Eric. She wouldn't last a day as Sheriff without biting a subject's head off. Another reason why becoming the undercover Sheriff of Area 5 had proved to be a difficult task.

Looking away quickly to break the moment and trade topics, Pam commented "I must smell dreadful."

"I don't care." His gaze never broke; neither did his calm, soft tone.

"Uh huh, sure." Pam continued to look over his shoulder to the wall, hoping that he would turn hard or unfeeling. Not that she wanted to be rejected or treated harshly. It was that she didn't want to allow herself to find comfort in this man. She didn't want to connect him with Eric. It was impossible not to but it might cause her to lose track of the separation in her mind between Eric, her maker, and Eric, the amnesiac. Then too many psychological boundaries would be crossed and her brain couldn't handle any more confusion and misplaced attachments.

Simply staring at her while her eyes glanced at everything but his, Eric all but whispered, "You're incredibly beautiful."

Finally her gaze met his in a darting motion, appalled by his statement. "You think that's funny?"

"You don't believe me?" He sounded almost hurt by that fact.

"On any other day I would readily agree – I'm fucking gorgeous" She had no shame or modesty about things she knew to be true. One of those things happened to be her eternal beauty. Pam dealt well with truths. "But today I look like a child's science fair project."

"You act like I never saw you before the curse was cast. And even after, you can still see it shining through. At least, I can." He shrugged slightly.

"I can't even understand the words you speak when you are this sappy and sweet" Her head shook, not able to comprehend such levels of sticky, sugary, words being directed at her.

"You don't hear that a lot, do you? That you're beautiful."

"I can't count with the entirety of the metric system how many guys have called me hot."

"That's not the same thing. Hot is temporary, it's derogatory. Being beautiful is something more. It's timeless. It's inside and out. Does no one tell you you're beautiful?" He asked, genuinely curious.

Blinking several times before realizing he was actually being sincere, Pam swallowed unnecessarily. She fought against this trap, trying to pull herself back to the harshness of reality but he kept dragging her back into the tranquility of illusions. It was easier to give in. She was so tired. Would it really be so bad to get a few minutes of peace while the world fell apart? Tomorrow, she would regret not pushing him away but today, she just wanted Eric, even if it wasn't 100% real.

Eric's brow furrowed when she didn't reply. How could no one see what he saw? It was evident that Pam was closed off and sarcastic but that didn't mean she wasn't beautiful. She was just more difficult to understand than most. Even with amnesia, he could see through her. It was harder for her to keep up facades around him even though he wasn't the man his face portrayed. But, it didn't take memories to connect with her. They had that naturally.

"You're a brilliant Maker." The abrupt answer to his previous question broke his haze of regret in order to meet her eyes. Knowing his attention was caught, she continued, "The best, in my opinion. I mean, who else could have created something this fabulous?" she smirked which caused him to do the same.

The humor died quickly as he frowned, looking away. "But, I..._murdered_ you." It was below a whisper but she heard it clearly.

A chuckle escaped her lips, turning the less damaged side of her face into the pillow before looking back at him. "No, you've got that back-ass-wards. You _saved_ me."

The man lying next to her was so innocent and ignorant and completely new compared to her ancient and wise maker. It was like meeting Eric just before he was turned. Part of her was clinging to any remnants of his personality there was left and the other half pushed this version of him away, not wanting to spit on the image of Eric's old self by accepting his new self.

"I stole your life." It was difficult to regret taking someone's life while at the same time never regretting giving them undead life.

He looked away in what she suspected was shame but the action confused her. If she didn't know better she would think he regretted making her. Fortunately, she recognized his confusion for what is was.

This time she reached out to him, touching his chest to gain his attention. The condition of her flesh made her uncomfortable in touching anyone or…anything for that matter. So, the way in which he treated her, with such a calmness and equality, was unexpected and hard to get accustomed to. Fear and horror was the usual reaction.

When the contact caused his eyes to reluctantly meet hers once more, she continued, "The only time I ever felt alive was when I technically wasn't." Truer words had never been spoken. In death, Pam had become unleashed. Eric had emancipated her, given her something she couldn't put into words and could never repay. It was the ultimate gift. "I would have lived a boring life and died a boring death. But you dropped from the sky, literally, and changed my whole existence. At first, I thought you were an angel. Then, I thought you were the devil." She smirked from the foolishness of her human mind. "I quickly realized, of course, that you _were _an angel - an angel of death, come to steal me away from the pointless and exceedingly mundane life of a corseted-British-dame." They both laughed softly at the thought of her in a massive gown, with her prim and proper manners and British etiquette. Naturally, these were the things Pam had longed to escape.

"All I ever wanted was freedom. I fought so hard for it in society, in education, in my own family. But I never knew liberation until I woke up in your arms as a vampire."

He stared at her intently, hanging on every word as if it were the most captivating story anyone had ever had the privilege of hearing. He didn't interject or ask questions, just listened and absorbed every piece of information she was willing to divulge.

"Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me." Rethinking that, she corrected "No, actually, you _choosing_ me was the best thing that ever happened to me."

She watched his expression expectantly, waiting for a reaction of any sort. That was a lot to take in and she wanted to make sure it was all going in the right way.

It was difficult to discern his emotions, even through their bond. They ranged from confused to clarity to regret to pride to happiness. Finally, he looked at her face, smiling "I'm glad he picked you. He chose well." Eric couldn't think of another person, besides Sookie, that he would care to be in this situation with. He was quite lucky this was Pam and not an utterly pitiful or overly aggressive vampire. No, Pam was somewhere in the middle. She was sarcastic to most but could be sweet with the few she cared about. She was brave and ruthless in the face of danger. She was strong and feisty; a real spit fire which amused him endlessly. She could be tamed, however, and under his supervision she could be kept under control. It must be difficult for her without Eric. They balanced each other out. Now she was a Ying without her Yang.

Pam smiled in return, finding herself willingly slipping back into the pit of illusion she had fought so hard against.

"Tell me about us." Eric said, suddenly interested in all the knowledge she had to offer. Before, he had been scared of the past. Truthfully, he still was. But he was eager to hear what she had to say. He could tell her to skip past or just stop if it got to something he didn't want to know about.

Adjusting the pillow so that he could lay down more comfortably, Eric shifted into a cozy position, resting his arm lazily over her waist. At this point he didn't expect her to flinch away. She merely tensed before settling and continuing her story.

"Well, let's see if I can summarize this, shall we?" She certainly couldn't retell the past century. Also, he wouldn't be keen on hearing all of the gritty details. "Over a hundred years I've been by your side. We have gone through so much together – elections, wars, plagues, inventions, natural disaster and global unity. We've killed and fucked and laughed. We've done whatever we want because we want. We've lived, Eric. I wish you could remember." The things they'd done, the times they'd had. They were too precious to slip away. Pam wouldn't allow it. "You _will_ remember. I won't stop until you're memory is restored. I'll get your life back. I swear it." It was unbearable to continue life this way. Something had to be done.

"What if I…don't want to remember?" He asked cautiously, fearing her reaction.

Her brow knitted together "What?" Why would he want to continue life this way?

"I don't want to remember the things I've done. I've hurt people. I've killed and tortured and…more, I'm sure. That isn't _me_. That isn't what I want to be."

"You don't know what you're saying. Once you remember, then you'll understand. You just have to remember why you love this life. You can't see it now but you will." She tried to convince him but it wasn't appearing very affective.

She took another stab at it, "True, we've slaughtered innocent people and indulged in our true nature beyond the point of necessity but that is who we are. We are different, Eric. We don't play by the rules of humans because we are above them. Genetically, physically, psychologically – we are the greater species. Vampires, especially us, do not bend to the fantasies of human's in order to enlighten them in the illusion they are safe in their beds. If the humans wish to believe we are monsters then label me proudly. We _are_ to be feared. We are beautiful and powerful and highly evolved. They fear the unknown and that's what we are – a mystery. Don't look to vampires such as Bill for evidence as to what our kind should be. He is an anomaly, an outsider to our community. He holds tight to his precious 'humanity'. He refuses to live among us as one of us and he struggles with that every day. Even as king, he is looked down upon by other vampires. Don't you see? We are animals but we aren't meant to be caged. You should never feel ashamed of what you are. What you are is a thousand year old Viking, Vampire god and you deserve to be treated as such. Don't listen to these humans telling you to contain your desires – indulge them."

He had to admit, she made a convincing argument and all of the words seemed genuine. It didn't really make sense why he would make such an effort to contain himself, to be someone else for the benefit of society. What had they done for him? They feared him, exiled him.

"I feel bad because I _don't_ feel bad." He tried to explain. "When I attack or kill or feed, I want to feel guilty but I just…don't."

"You shouldn't" Pam said quickly, feeling she was making headway and not wanting him to fall back into his previous way of thinking. "We require blood to survive. You have to feed to live. It's instinct. Sometimes people die because of it. But, how many innocent animals die for humans to fill their appetites? That's what they are to us – entertaining cattle."

"I just…can't." He couldn't have his memory back. He didn't want it.

She paused before questioning, "What do you really fear? It isn't humanity or a lack thereof. It's something more. Tell me."

For a moment he contemplated feigning ignorance or ignoring the question all together but finally answered "I don't want to die."

Pam was at a loss. The thought had never occurred to her. For her Maker to come back, this Eric had to die. They would replace each other. Even if this Eric was a part of the old, it wouldn't be a prominent or visible part. No words came to mind which would show condolence and determinism. Eventually she whispered guiltily "I can't live without him."

"I know." He replied with equal guilt, unconsciously pulling her closer. "You have a lot of love for him, don't you?" It was clear but he wanted to hear her answer.

"Eric is the only person I've ever loved. He's the only person who's ever loved me. Ever." The thought only proved to increase her anxiety on not getting him back. She couldn't let him go. He meant too much to her. She had never made a connection with anyone else. No one cared enough to get to know her in order to make one. Eric was all she had.

That sort of love was new to this Eric. He felt it through their bond but the idea of someone only ever being loved by one person depressed him. Pam deserved better. He felt a rush of guilt for pushing her away before yesterday.

He went to reply but stopped when Pam winced, body tensing under his arm. "Pam?" He inquired in concern.

Shaking it off, she smiled reassuringly "Nothing. You were saying?"

Moving his arm from her waist to grasp her waist and tilt to the side slightly, he inspected her. The action caused her to hiss in pain, pushing her head farther into the pillow.

He pulled his hands back instantly when the realization he had caused her pain came to his attention. "What? What did I do wrong?" he asked quickly, eyes roaming over her. Everything was bloody. It was hard to figure out what pain could be new or which could be the worse. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere. Fuck." Pam ground her teeth together, trying to settle on the sheets without more pain ensuing. It would be better not to move – ever.

The IV bag was empty he realized with a mental slap to the forehead. The blood had given her temporary relief to the pain, a high of sorts. Now that it was gone, she would have to experience it again.

"The bag's out." Eric bit his lip, unsure of what to do to help her. "Sookie said she'd bring more when she got back but that won't be until tomorrow…Um, can you sleep? When you wake up she should be back." That was the best plan he could come up with and she needed to rest anyway. Two birds with one stone.

"As long as you don't shift in the bed" The tone sounded threatening, like he better not make her move an inch. But, he heard the question she couldn't ask, even if she didn't realize she was asking it.

"I'm not going anywhere." He reassured, smiling when she rolled her eyes. "I'm going to pull the blanket over your arms, okay? So it isn't open to…infection or bacterium, I think is what Sookie said."

She nodded slightly and braced herself as he grabbed the fabric. When it hit her forearm, she yelped as it stuck to her skin. Eric immediately ripped it back, frowning deeply at the thick splotches of blood and discarding it over the edge of the bed. "Forget about it. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." He couldn't bear watching her go through more pain by his hand.

When Pam didn't respond, he laid carefully next to her.

"What are you doing?"She asked curiously.

"Sleeping." He answered as if it should be quite obvious.

"You have hours left before dawn."

"Well, I'm tired." Really, he didn't want her to feel inferior and they both knew it. Even though Pam wouldn't ask him directly, she wanted him thee and if that's what she wanted than he was more than happy to oblige.

Looking at him knowingly but gratefully, Pam prepared for more conversation though her eyes were heavy lidded.

"Now's the time when you close your eyes and sleep" He reminded.

"No more questions, Amnesia-Eric?"

"None that can't wait, Patient-Pam." He retorted with a chuckle. "Now, sleep." He made it clear the discussion was over. It felt like he was enforcing a bedtime.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and tried to swallow the pain she felt in order to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Eric watched her until he felt her fade out before daring to do the same.


End file.
